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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

#21392651
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28642) - you deserved it (2369)

On 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm - misc - by mademoiselle meurtre (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

#21383638
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26110) - you deserved it (2039)

On 03/29/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

#21383476
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31064) - you deserved it (2713)

On 03/29/2015 at 8:54am - kids - by M.SHUKRI - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

#21380086
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (707) - you deserved it (3559)

On 03/23/2015 at 11:51am - money - by stuck - United States (Illinois)

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

#21379759
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30680) - you deserved it (3060)

On 03/22/2015 at 9:58pm - kids - by Mary C. (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

#21375726
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28572) - you deserved it (2281)

On 03/16/2015 at 3:15pm - misc - by redneckpunk (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

#21374736
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (652) - you deserved it (10705)

On 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

#21359996
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (2737)

On 02/20/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by pissed - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

#21355983
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32043) - you deserved it (2265)

On 02/14/2015 at 2:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18804) - you deserved it (35673)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)



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