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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

#21462428
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19238) - you deserved it (1514)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:20am - work - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom saw a picture of the moon and asked me what "those big spots" were. She actually thought the craters were continents and tried correcting me when I told her what they were. Then I almost got into trouble for being disrespectful. FML

#21462353
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18765) - you deserved it (1201)

On 08/29/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by bornfromhillbillies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

#21461945
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (1307)

On 08/29/2015 at 12:29am - misc - by tkoester - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

#21459180
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22289) - you deserved it (2719)

On 08/22/2015 at 3:30am - animals - by yooitscallo (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

#21457683
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13195) - you deserved it (11885)

On 08/18/2015 at 5:08pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML

#21457532
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22997) - you deserved it (2512)

On 08/18/2015 at 8:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

#21454240
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21112) - you deserved it (1799)

On 08/10/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by lvegadelgado_6 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

#21451172
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32712) - you deserved it (6068)

On 08/03/2015 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ahhh - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

#21449508
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23667) - you deserved it (1601)

On 07/30/2015 at 11:30am - health - by WhatTheFuck - United States (Illinois)

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26974) - you deserved it (3999)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

#21445902
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28588) - you deserved it (1807)

On 07/23/2015 at 9:05am - animals - by dirtbikeguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

#21440701
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24523) - you deserved it (3064)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:03pm - love - by newmoongirl1036 - United States (Illinois)



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