FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2015 at 1:41am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

by PO'd big bro / 01/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2015 at 9:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

by I warned him / 12/18/2014 at 9:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said; "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

by thefatnurse / 11/12/2014 at 9:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

by killme / 11/11/2014 at 12:43pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML

by stressed / 10/12/2014 at 2:40am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, a day after being informed that keeping my wallet in my front pocket was "strange", my wallet was stolen from my back pocket. FML

by NotDarkKnight / 10/07/2014 at 8:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

by healthfreak / 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 5:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

by BagelTheOtaku / 08/20/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Georgia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.