FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML

by okay / 07/22/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

by battle1 / 07/17/2015 at 7:00am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

by Partners / 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

by well then / 05/30/2015 at 1:40am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

by A / 05/22/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

by yupthissucks / 04/13/2015 at 5:00am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

by ouch / 04/06/2015 at 9:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

by comfort_ / 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

by van no gough / 03/21/2015 at 8:07pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2015 at 12:23am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream "YEAH" "WOO HOO" and "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing Amazing Grace in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

by RadioactiveKush / 03/01/2015 at 2:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous