FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

by yupthissucks / 04/13/2015 at 5:00am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

by ouch / 04/06/2015 at 9:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

by comfort_ / 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

by van no gough / 03/21/2015 at 8:07pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2015 at 12:23am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream "YEAH" "WOO HOO" and "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing Amazing Grace in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

by RadioactiveKush / 03/01/2015 at 2:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

by Clive81 / 02/17/2015 at 3:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

by anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 5:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

by brazo667 / 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

by jamienicole1993 / 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a booklet came in the mail, addressed to me and titled "How To Train Your Wife". I didn't order it but my wife doesn't believe me. FML

by briang959 / 01/30/2015 at 6:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.