FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

by zstarr / 07/14/2012 at 7:15am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

by mpsteve137 / 06/30/2012 at 2:21am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML

by cmck932012 / 06/26/2012 at 2:18am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML

by CA19oo / 05/27/2012 at 9:13am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

by PollingLow / 05/10/2012 at 11:45am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, while driving home after the legal curfew, I narrowly avoided a police roadblock and backtracked a mile to drive home another way. I then ran out of gas a mile away from my house. FML

by ugh / 04/21/2012 at 1:12am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

by fuck / 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I took a pregnancy test. I waited the longest two minutes of my life just to realize I missed the stick. FML

by darkestbarbie / 04/05/2012 at 3:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 9:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

by CA19oo / 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I called pizza hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML

by muzikmaler91 / 03/15/2012 at 5:45am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous