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FMLs submitted from Gauteng

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

#20817205
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50505) - you deserved it (27407)

On 08/02/2013 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by fuck but no fuck (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61641) - you deserved it (7163)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45837) - you deserved it (14171)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

#20729234
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44861) - you deserved it (3257)

On 06/16/2013 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

#20144153
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25248) - you deserved it (3462)

On 11/02/2012 at 8:17am - work - by PieterseMJ - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

#20121056
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27411) - you deserved it (2054)

On 10/17/2012 at 2:52pm - misc - by ThreeTimesUnlucky - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

#18192862
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53068) - you deserved it (7183)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by explainer (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

#17762644
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19152) - you deserved it (50414)

On 09/17/2011 at 4:17am - love - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

#15855335
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44292) - you deserved it (5999)

On 04/20/2011 at 3:27am - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

#15824008
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37061) - you deserved it (3666)

On 04/17/2011 at 5:12pm - love - by dumped (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

#15467016
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38586) - you deserved it (4557)

On 03/24/2011 at 3:07pm - kids - by Angie (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML

#14223629
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29951) - you deserved it (2676)

On 12/16/2010 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)



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