FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

by takingthebus / 09/16/2009 at 2:12am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I found out the high school I have been doing at home for the past 3 years isn't accredited and doesn't count for anything. I'm 18 and starting high school as a freshman next year. FML

by diplomaless / 09/14/2009 at 2:58pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an art class with my girlfriend. The teacher assigned "anti-cards", or cards for unusual or bad occasions. My girlfriend decided to make a "break-up" card, and I helped her write the poem inside it. After class, she gave it to me. FML

by UnluckyArtist / 09/14/2009 at 2:54pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did every one else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML

by babymomma / 09/14/2009 at 10:13am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2009 at 5:23pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2009 at 4:12am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

by badhair / 09/12/2009 at 11:12pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

by taman / 09/12/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

by suzanneallen / 09/11/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was leaving my job at a huge mall. I couldn't find my car anywhere, so I panicked and flagged a security officer. I cried while he drove me around for miles in the endless parking lot. Then, suddenly, I remembered. My friend had dropped me off in the morning. FML

by ritz / 09/10/2009 at 10:15am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

by WOCOACH / 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

by GoodDog / 09/09/2009 at 9:21am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

by clingmaster / 09/09/2009 at 4:57am / United States (Florida) / Love