FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2010 at 4:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

by hickey / 02/05/2010 at 5:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

by Glutton / 01/27/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

by Junior / 01/26/2010 at 2:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

by lala / 01/25/2010 at 12:21pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 9:25am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML

by fisherman / 01/23/2010 at 5:12am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

by housebroken / 01/22/2010 at 1:17am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

by Nissan_David / 01/18/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2010 at 8:44am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

by Stumble / 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

by Romantic / 01/15/2010 at 3:33am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

by RyanSmithN / 01/15/2010 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Transportation