FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I decided to fix my bike and take it for a test ride. Five minutes in, a bee flew into my eye and stung me. In pain, I thought it would be best to go home. I turned around to find a big pitbull running towards me. The dog chased me for a mile before giving up. FML

by unojo08 / 10/01/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2010 at 9:25am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML

by Liz / 09/27/2010 at 3:30pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I am a 22 year old male with a 11:00 pm curfew. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 11:58am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, an old lady came through my line to buy some groceries. She told me she lost her purse and was a little short. It was busy, so I pulled out my little purse and gave her the money she needed. A few minutes later she returned with my boss, insisting that my purse was hers. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2010 at 12:59am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, after waiting all day to get into my favorite band's concert, I got front row. At the end, one of them grabbed my CD and got the whole band to sign it. The last band member tossed it into the crowd, nowhere near me. FML

by lovedontlivehere / 09/23/2010 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2010 at 10:12am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

by ccblock / 09/16/2010 at 9:30pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, we were closing the restaurant early. I begin mopping as a couple walks in. The lady slips and falls, and to avoid a lawsuit, we offer them free food. After they left, I slipped on the freshly mopped kitchen floor with dishes in my hands. I didn't get free food. FML

by clumsyandhungry / 09/15/2010 at 12:24am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 12:56pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, while I was driving, a police officer jumped out from the sidewalk and into my lane. I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit him. He then gave me a ticket for "obstructing traffic". FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2010 at 9:44pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation