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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my commitment issues were perfectly illustrated when I couldn't put a nail in the wall to hang a painting, because, "What if I change my mind?" FML

#21316117
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26869) - you deserved it (5549)

On 12/12/2014 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

#21315807
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27299) - you deserved it (3086)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:17pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

#21312082
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29468) - you deserved it (3062)

On 12/05/2014 at 4:00pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought I was doing a nice thing when I spent hundreds of dollars to get my friend a plane ticket home. She yelled at me when I gave it to her. Turns out, she planned on spending a few more months freeloading off me. FML

#21311645
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29098) - you deserved it (2727)

On 12/04/2014 at 9:04pm - money - by yourewelcome (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

#21308491
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42225) - you deserved it (2845)

On 11/30/2014 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I frantically told my parents that my bank account had no money. Turns out, they took the $1,600 I had saved up from a summer job and invested it in penny-stocks. I was grounded because they were "doing it for the family," and I'm being selfish. They also had lost it all in a matter of days. FML

#21306100
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40840) - you deserved it (2678)

On 11/26/2014 at 9:13am - money - by poor man - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML

#21305750
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27598) - you deserved it (2265)

On 11/25/2014 at 11:14am - misc - by Blöde Gans - United States (Florida)

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

#21302927
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32817) - you deserved it (2553)

On 11/20/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by spreadburger - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard my mother say, "I feel bad for any girl that marries him because he's, what's the word? Metrosexual!" To my girlfriend. About me. FML

#21300656
68 comments

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

#21300362
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26682) - you deserved it (5612)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

#21299790
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32756) - you deserved it (4436)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by omgdesdes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

#21299443
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29722) - you deserved it (8051)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:25am - misc - by That_Indian_Guy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18446) - you deserved it (34392)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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