FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, at 26, I got chicken pox. My parents stand by their belief that I got it because I'm not right with God, not because they didn't vaccinate me. FML

by kinzielee / 01/05/2016 at 12:41pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor even if you have a c-section. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2015 at 9:35pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

by probably on death row soon / 12/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad let me fire one of his guns. This was a big deal because he rarely lets anyone so much as touch them. I was so excited, I forgot about about the recoil. Now I'm in the ER with a broken nose. FML

by oliversoden101 / 12/24/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after adjusting me, my chiropractor said I should stop sitting for long periods of time, because it's likely the reason for my chronic back pain. My job is as his front-desk receptionist. He yells at me if I'm not at my seat. FML

by shelovespiano / 12/21/2015 at 10:40pm / United States (Florida) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband got fired from his job as a maintenance man at our apartment complex for accidentally letting a hooker into someone's house. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2015 at 4:45pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2015 at 11:46am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the $200 I reluctantly gave to my mother so she could rent a house was paid to a scammer. Now she wants to live with me, in my one bedroom apartment. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2015 at 10:36am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

by Suckered / 12/04/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

by AsshatUncle / 11/29/2015 at 9:47pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

by askprussia / 11/26/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I biked to the store to buy a new lock, since biking is my only form of transportation. I left my bike unattended for the last time, only to come back with a new chain, but no bike. FML

by brokeasscollegelife / 11/20/2015 at 4:25pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 2:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous