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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were "I hope you have insurance". FML

#21410548
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30693) - you deserved it (1978)

On 05/15/2015 at 2:48pm - misc - by hendrixisgod86 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24065) - you deserved it (3031)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27683) - you deserved it (2192)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32739) - you deserved it (5376)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

#21406084
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (2573)

On 05/07/2015 at 7:01am - misc - by Chubby (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

#21404939
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26520) - you deserved it (2789)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31876) - you deserved it (9856)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

#21401319
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25788) - you deserved it (1977)

On 04/28/2015 at 6:39pm - health - by full bladder - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

#21400557
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (6220)

On 04/27/2015 at 10:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

#21399752
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30337) - you deserved it (8912)

On 04/26/2015 at 12:05am - intimacy - by montanadinosaur (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML

#21397889
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33140) - you deserved it (2857)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32753) - you deserved it (2403)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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