FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, a customer brought his cat in to be euthanized. I told him to "have a nice day" as he was leaving. FML

by FootInMyMouth / 02/13/2016 at 5:56pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2016 at 8:15pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, after my fiancé of seven years and the father of our four kids broke up with me, saying he slept with another girl but not to worry, he thought about me the whole time and still wants to marry me one day, it turns out he's moved to another state. FML

by nunyabiz112 / 02/09/2016 at 12:02am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got call from the manager for a company I applied for. Turns out, he mixed up my friend's phone number with mine, since we applied on the same day, so the manager accidentally hired her instead of me. He said the position is still mine if I want it, but they will have to let her go. FML

by speaknoevil1 / 01/29/2016 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

by sadandmad / 01/20/2016 at 11:09am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

by TheMike23 / 01/11/2016 at 12:28am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 26, I got chicken pox. My parents stand by their belief that I got it because I'm not right with God, not because they didn't vaccinate me. FML

by kinzielee / 01/05/2016 at 12:41pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor even if you have a c-section. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2015 at 9:35pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

by probably on death row soon / 12/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad let me fire one of his guns. This was a big deal because he rarely lets anyone so much as touch them. I was so excited, I forgot about about the recoil. Now I'm in the ER with a broken nose. FML

by oliversoden101 / 12/24/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after adjusting me, my chiropractor said I should stop sitting for long periods of time, because it's likely the reason for my chronic back pain. My job is as his front-desk receptionist. He yells at me if I'm not at my seat. FML

by shelovespiano / 12/21/2015 at 10:40pm / United States (Florida) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband got fired from his job as a maintenance man at our apartment complex for accidentally letting a hooker into someone's house. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2015 at 4:45pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2015 at 11:46am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous