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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

#20089771
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24294) - you deserved it (2109)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

#20088602
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18287) - you deserved it (2239)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:57pm - misc - by pplsuck - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

#20071176
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37681) - you deserved it (2329)

On 09/14/2012 at 1:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

#20064384
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25836) - you deserved it (6142)

On 09/09/2012 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19025) - you deserved it (24446)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

#20055735
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5830) - you deserved it (29089)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20262) - you deserved it (48600)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my co-worker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

#20029161
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24048) - you deserved it (8083)

On 08/19/2012 at 12:19am - work - by pridekills - United States (Florida)

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

#20015372
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34350) - you deserved it (2127)

On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

#19997087
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22426) - you deserved it (2128)

On 08/01/2012 at 8:06pm - love - by daddydaughterWTF - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

#19987123
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22759) - you deserved it (3113)

On 07/27/2012 at 10:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

#19985315
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21160) - you deserved it (1619)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

#19980776
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29989) - you deserved it (7393)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Joey - United States (Florida)



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