FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

by middleagednurse / 01/14/2015 at 12:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was walking with a female friend when suddenly, my ex-girlfriend comes running down the street and says, "So, you're cheating on me with this slut, huh?!" We've been separated for a decade now. FML

by RipeFlame / 01/13/2015 at 10:05pm / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

by yankeeboy123 / 01/12/2015 at 12:03am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I asked the girl I sort of like as we were leaving class how her day was going so far. She said, 'Great. Don't ruin it.' FML

by loser / 01/08/2015 at 4:26pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a girl from class screamed at me in public for hugging the guy she likes. She threatened to take me out if I didn't "back off". That guy is my boyfriend. FML

by exuberant_orange / 01/08/2015 at 10:56am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

by rimenrezon / 01/06/2015 at 9:10am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with every muscle in my body hurting so bad I could hardly walk. Participation in a triathlon, or overdoing it at the gym? No, the results of a day spent cleaning the house. FML

by FlabbyPants / 01/05/2015 at 9:51pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

by whatajerk / 01/02/2015 at 10:11pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

by Santa / 12/24/2014 at 10:01pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

by Soulara89 / 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I got in trouble for going to work sick. Yesterday, I got in trouble for not going to work while sick. FML

by Mandy / 12/22/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

by Mightaswelltutordogs / 12/20/2014 at 8:16pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2014 at 9:11pm / United States (Florida) / Work