FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

by Minnie / 06/12/2016 at 9:33am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

by malnourishedstudent / 06/08/2016 at 4:38am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, the underwire in my bra snapped as my 9-hour workday started. FML

by SmileAndSayHi / 06/01/2016 at 3:23pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was okay, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 3:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I felt an itch on my neck. naturally, I scratched it. After about 5 minutes of scratching, I realized that I've been scratching a dead fly on the back of my neck. FML

by Hamden824 / 05/25/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally got my screaming, teething, 1-year-old daughter down for a nap to hopefully get some work done. The second I opened my laptop, FedEx dropped off a package and rang the doorbell. My dog went nuts. Then my neighbor rang the doorbell to let me know I had a package. My daughter's awake now. FML

by ryzzostar / 05/25/2016 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

by Kendall14159 / 05/21/2016 at 10:14pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

by Ants everywhere but my pants / 05/18/2016 at 10:35pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss joined me on my vacation, to "make sure I actually went". FML

by are you kidding me? / 05/16/2016 at 5:24pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, one of my students stole my wallet. I teach kindergarten. FML

by Annoyed / 05/10/2016 at 9:23pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

by Nighty-nitrogen / 05/09/2016 at 8:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

by kaleighf / 04/27/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous