FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

by NoDocVisit / 07/26/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML

by jaci / 07/24/2016 at 11:27am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

by ulrika / 07/23/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 12:14pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

by married to a bipedal husky / 07/12/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML

by Anna / 07/02/2016 at 5:08pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while working as a highway patrol officer, I pulled over my girlfriend for speeding and was required by law to ticket her. Another officer was with me, so I couldn't not ticket her without being reported. We share a joint account, so I basically ticketed myself. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2016 at 10:17pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I sent my daughter to her dad's house for the week. She decided to pack my remotes and most of my clothes and shoes, in an effort to make me come get her as soon as I noticed. FML

by Forever_Cursed / 06/28/2016 at 10:02am / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was carrying my coffee from the kitchen to the coffee table and couch. Last week I had ACL surgery, so I'm on crutches. Unfortunately, I got the urge to sneeze on my walk to the couch. I didn't make it to the couch before I sneezed and spilled coffee everywhere. FML

by gimpy / 06/23/2016 at 11:00am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2016 at 12:16pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

by anonymous / 06/14/2016 at 12:47pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I announced my engagement on social media. I got more people telling me how stupid I was than any actually congratulating me. FML

by Ido / 06/13/2016 at 8:51pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

by Minnie / 06/12/2016 at 9:33am / United States (Florida) / Love