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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29162) - you deserved it (5561)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after many tests and doctor visits, I finally found out the reason for my flu-like symptoms isn't a vitamin deficient or anything. The damn tea I drink every morning makes me feel sick. FML

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

#21359482
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28038) - you deserved it (2228)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm - money - by Enslaved (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

#21359155
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30096) - you deserved it (2083)

On 02/19/2015 at 11:24am - work - by Taylor Page - United States (Florida)

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

#21355574
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34689) - you deserved it (2909)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

#21353380
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33231) - you deserved it (2328)

On 02/10/2015 at 1:05pm - misc - by ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - United States (Florida)

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

#21351119
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26662) - you deserved it (4187)

On 02/06/2015 at 7:57pm - misc - by go fuck myself - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

#21346273
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27357) - you deserved it (1925)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:00pm - health - by ThatWasntFun - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to a girl. It was going pretty well until she said, "LOL." What's so bad about that? We weren't texting. FML

#21345280
106 comments

Today, I was asked by a total stranger if I had Tourettes. This is the third time this has happened to me. FML

#21342680
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26197) - you deserved it (4996)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:39am - misc - by Evra (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

#21341527
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39873) - you deserved it (2216)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

#21336954
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21176) - you deserved it (36768)

On 01/14/2015 at 12:49pm - love - by middleagednurse - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking with a female friend when suddenly, my ex-girlfriend comes running down the street and says, "So, you're cheating on me with this slut, huh?!" We've been separated for a decade now. FML

#21336664
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35943) - you deserved it (2540)

On 01/13/2015 at 10:05pm - love - by RipeFlame - United States (Florida)



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