FMLs submitted from Dublin

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that he had "accepted" my stomach, even though it didn't conform to his "preference" for a flat stomach. He then added that his acceptance doesn't extend to my "chunky thighs". FML

by chunky monkey / 03/14/2016 at 2:26pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2016 at 8:00am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

by WellGroomed / 11/26/2015 at 10:20am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

by Iarla_ceapaire93 / 06/16/2015 at 1:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Health

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2015 at 7:13pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

by YouDontSay / 05/10/2015 at 11:35am / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

by Freelman / 05/06/2015 at 10:34am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML

Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML

by blemarooney / 04/14/2015 at 11:49am / Ireland (Dublin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a job interview at a café. The interviewer asked me my availability and I told her that I was fully flexible. She laughed and said, "Really? That's tragic." FML

by tipmeover / 01/28/2015 at 8:09am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, my wife and I had an argument serious enough to end our marriage, while overseas on vacation, with my whole family present. Three more days of awkward tension until we get to fly home and it all ends. FML

by overseasbummer / 11/14/2014 at 2:09pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 4:52pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

by GetMeTheDamnBleach / 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Animals