FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting 3 hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 3:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt so lonely that I asked Siri to read me Wikipedia articles so that I could pretend I was having a conversation with a real human being. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2015 at 12:49am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

by anda1000douchesscourthispostformistakes / 09/16/2015 at 9:42am / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, a customer berated me and told me to stop whining because I have to work on the weekend. What did I do to deserve this? I said, "Hi, how are you doing today?" FML

by retail hell / 07/12/2015 at 9:11am / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

by ssondik / 06/21/2015 at 8:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to sleep in the car, and when I went to rest my face on my fist, our car hit a bump and I ended up punching myself in the face. FML

by Bengemon825 / 06/20/2015 at 3:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

by DaoOfPow / 05/23/2015 at 3:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML

by stilljobless / 05/20/2015 at 10:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I found out the reason why my car has smelled so bad for the past two weeks. It turns out when my sister was bringing in groceries from my car she forgot to grab the raw chicken. FML

by bkb12 / 05/08/2015 at 5:44pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2015 at 12:38pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

by :/ / 04/04/2015 at 8:44pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love