FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

by anonymous / 03/31/2015 at 12:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was wearing a new tank top that was really cute. I later was talking to an attractive guy and thought he was giggling at me because he thought I was being cute and funny. I then realized he was giggling at the fact that I only shaved one armpit. FML

by rayraydayday / 03/21/2015 at 12:25am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I got a call from the ICU. Apparently, my boyfriend has been there for 3 days and I'm the only person who didn't know. Even my parents have been to see him. FML

by quietecho95 / 03/20/2015 at 11:40am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, the principal of the school I teach at told me she's not interested in re-hiring me because sometimes I wear a hoodie. FML

by schoolsucks / 03/10/2015 at 7:28am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML

by CrazyInLove / 03/10/2015 at 2:02am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

by Why? / 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was expecting a card from my husband stationed in Japan, but he mailed it to my mom. Since I'm busy and don't see her much, she tried to help by mailing it to me. It's long overdue, and the post office never got it. The card came from Japan, only to get lost traveling from 30 minutes away. FML

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

by Like mother like daughter / 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

by fml / 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

by D: / 02/19/2015 at 3:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Money