FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

by nitroman64 / 07/30/2010 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

by Nic / 07/22/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, a friend of mine had a Wii party and made everyone into Miis. My Mii had freckles. I don't have freckles. When I commented on it, she said, "Well, there isn't a zit feature." FML

by ZittyMii / 07/03/2010 at 3:52pm / United States (Colorado) / Geek

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

by spenmy / 06/13/2010 at 5:56am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

by lashless / 05/22/2010 at 4:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my acne go away and my boobs bigger. However, to my boyfriend's dismay, I've completely lost my sex drive. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

by ouch / 03/25/2010 at 4:00am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 12:34am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, while walking to my car through the snow, I noticed the sunroof was open and 2 feet of snow had poured in. Angry, I opened the door to start cleaning. That's when I noticed all the wildlife that had taken refuge inside from the cold. Not only were my seat cushions wet, they were torn open. FML

by grann / 03/14/2010 at 9:39pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

by Al / 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2010 at 9:35am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2010 at 9:37pm / United States (Colorado) / Love