FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell and hit my head on the faucet. FML

by MAWZ / 07/19/2011 at 2:33am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

by ohno / 07/13/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I took my mom to Victoria's Secret to help her find a bra. She made me try one on to see if it looked good on me. Turns out we have the same cup size. I'm a guy. FML

by sm702 / 07/12/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML

by Jackie Campbell / 07/12/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

by sealpop09 / 06/30/2011 at 10:36am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML

by mavstrr1764847 / 06/27/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was on a flight home. I wasn't going to arrive until midnight, so I was offered an earlier flight that got back at ten. I got to baggage claims and it turned out they lost my bag. I sat there for 2 hours. The people on my original flight left for home before I did. FML

by me / 06/18/2011 at 7:54pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I realized that I text my boyfriend more than I see him. He's my next door neighbor. FML

by Emily J. / 06/17/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

by pookie99 / 06/16/2011 at 10:17pm / United States (Colorado) / Money

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

by Madmanmorton / 06/16/2011 at 2:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

by Faithy / 06/03/2011 at 2:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

by thanksmom / 06/02/2011 at 5:27am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous