FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML

by anonymous4991 / 05/03/2012 at 8:39pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

by ajnmegs / 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML

by Quackers / 04/11/2012 at 11:39am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

by Brianna Weltmire / 04/08/2012 at 1:13am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

by Rynne S. / 03/13/2012 at 2:12am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML

by me / 03/11/2012 at 10:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

by michellemoyah / 02/25/2012 at 12:04am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

by bloodshedblack / 02/21/2012 at 12:01am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." My whole house now smells like pee. FML

by Bondi414 / 02/15/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

by no tp / 02/14/2012 at 8:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

by Ouchies / 02/09/2012 at 12:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2012 at 2:15pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous