FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." My whole house now smells like pee. FML

by Bondi414 / 02/15/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

by no tp / 02/14/2012 at 8:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

by Ouchies / 02/09/2012 at 12:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2012 at 2:15pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

by stinky / 01/24/2012 at 3:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 3:25am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

by Duplighost / 01/12/2012 at 3:16pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML

by Andrew7847 / 01/11/2012 at 12:02pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to anti-depressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2012 at 12:01am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

by dusk / 01/05/2012 at 3:09am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML

by dontpeeonmenxtime / 12/29/2011 at 9:51am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

by scribbles1475 / 12/15/2011 at 12:00am / United States (Colorado) / Love