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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

#21351356
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25117) - you deserved it (10217)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:09am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

#21346487
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24414) - you deserved it (1825)

On 01/29/2015 at 9:50pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

#21336880
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29971) - you deserved it (5701)

On 01/14/2015 at 8:58am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my sister and I got stuck in an airport elevator. We were separated from our friends, missed our flight and had to walk two hours to find our gate. On the bright side, we ended up having a pleasant talk with an Air Marshal on why we were "stalking people". FML

#21333074
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28831) - you deserved it (2380)

On 01/08/2015 at 12:24am - misc - by random - United States (Colorado)

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

#21320480
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31761) - you deserved it (4003)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

#21313515
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30874) - you deserved it (3679)

On 12/08/2014 at 12:03am - misc - by BedazzledAlpaca (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML

#21293802
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33245) - you deserved it (3207)

On 11/06/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by ozozl - United States (Colorado)

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32216) - you deserved it (4396)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

#21273773
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31841) - you deserved it (2546)

On 10/08/2014 at 8:30pm - work - by xRyu (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

#21270631
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38591) - you deserved it (4172)

On 10/04/2014 at 12:31pm - misc - by runsinthefamily (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

#21263953
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29536) - you deserved it (5130)

On 09/23/2014 at 5:12pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I watched with mild confusion as a piece of paper tucked underneath my windshield wiper flapped around on the highway. What could it be? Surely not a parking ticket. Powerless, I watched it fly away. It must have been the insurance information for the person who swiped the back of my car. FML

Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

#21255435
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35453) - you deserved it (4785)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:38pm - love - by Itchy Missy (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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