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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I got married. After the ceremony, my sister asked to talk to me. I followed her and she told me that we are no longer related because we don't have the same last name anymore. FML

#21491590
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23816) - you deserved it (1742)

On 11/12/2015 at 3:38am - misc - by Its_Sinon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML

#21490317
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29708) - you deserved it (1702)

On 11/09/2015 at 9:58am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML

#21489836
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18857) - you deserved it (1800)

On 11/08/2015 at 4:34am - kids - by UglyGirl - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

#21489306
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22117) - you deserved it (5537)

On 11/06/2015 at 5:39pm - misc - by honk honk, fuckwad (man) - United States (California)

Today, a guy started complimenting me and calling me beautiful. Halfway through, he burst out laughing and said he couldn't do it. Who needs self confidence, anyway? FML

#21489209
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23615) - you deserved it (1550)

On 11/06/2015 at 12:15pm - love - by cookiecutter8 - United States (California)

Today, after days of cleaning out pantry cabinets and throwing away infested food, I thought I had finally gotten rid of my moth problem. Then I vacuumed, and saw several dozen larvae coming out of my carpet. FML

#21489081
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22888) - you deserved it (2952)

On 11/06/2015 at 1:19am - misc - by mottephobe - United States (California)

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

#21488841
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18474) - you deserved it (1897)

On 11/05/2015 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a man trying to get a screaming little girl into a van. I called 911 and ran over yelling at him. His wife then got out of the van and explained the girl was their daughter and they were just trying to make her go to school. FML

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

#21488529
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22794) - you deserved it (1743)

On 11/04/2015 at 8:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

#21488178
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24951) - you deserved it (1642)

On 11/03/2015 at 10:24pm - animals - by damaged - United States (California)

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

#21487472
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23406) - you deserved it (1428)

On 11/02/2015 at 5:26pm - work - by thisbethed - United States (California)

Today, while at a party playing Truth or Dare, I found out my best friend fantasizes about having sex with my 51 year old mother. The rest of the guys at the party then nodded in agreement and thus spawned a group conversation about how "screwable" my mom is. FML

#21487219
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29228) - you deserved it (3167)

On 11/02/2015 at 3:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

#21487113
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25549) - you deserved it (6791)

On 11/01/2015 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (California)



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