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FMLs submitted from California

Today, it's either be alone and miserable, or go on shitty dates and be miserable. I have no other options. FML

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33412) - you deserved it (5797)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

#21308108
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28925) - you deserved it (5881)

On 11/29/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by come on man (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

#21306254
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35997) - you deserved it (5980)

On 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44216) - you deserved it (2753)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured, "Eh, a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

#21303699
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29496) - you deserved it (8326)

On 11/22/2014 at 2:22am - animals - by liishax3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

#21303629
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28542) - you deserved it (3271)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Studying is for crazy people. - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

#21303377
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31428) - you deserved it (4119)

On 11/21/2014 at 3:07pm - misc - by Veronica - United States (California)

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

#21303284
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27014) - you deserved it (17173)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:56am - love - by openended - United States (California)

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

#21303116
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29783) - you deserved it (3538)

On 11/21/2014 at 1:11am - work - by TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - United States (California)

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

#21303024
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32140) - you deserved it (15153)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:25pm - misc - by AOart1st (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (3555)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

#21302674
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31219) - you deserved it (2609)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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