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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

#21335669
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28845) - you deserved it (2660)

On 01/12/2015 at 9:36am - work - by Tired - United States (California)

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

#21334608
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34734) - you deserved it (2365)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

#21333775
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29983) - you deserved it (6124)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:11am - love - by pitytitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

#21333736
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27465) - you deserved it (3684)

On 01/09/2015 at 1:44am - animals - by Crazy Cat Guy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

#21333682
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26904) - you deserved it (2166)

On 01/08/2015 at 11:40pm - work - by notahero (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally met my long-distance boyfriend of three years for the first time in person. After an amazing dinner and movie date, we went back to his house, only for him to dump me half an hour later. Not because I wouldn't have sex with him. No, his cat doesn't like me. FML

#21332217
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30989) - you deserved it (7412)

On 01/06/2015 at 7:32pm - animals - by dragonfyre73 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

#21332211
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27295) - you deserved it (3663)

On 01/06/2015 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my daughter was putting clothes in the drier when she yelled, "Mom!! The drier won't start!" I had to explain to her that the door needed to be shut. Her response, "Oh. I didn't know that mattered." She's 15. FML

#21331580
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27489) - you deserved it (5121)

On 01/05/2015 at 8:59pm - kids - by i_am_forever - United States (California)

Today, I went to gather the laundry out of the dryer. My daughter had seen my wife put bleach in the washer, so she decided that honey in the dryer would make the clothes smell sweet. She wasn't wrong, but now I have a giant ball of sticky socks and underwear. FML

#21331413
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25655) - you deserved it (2223)

On 01/05/2015 at 4:26pm - kids - by Synonymous_Rex - United States (California)

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

#21331081
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38555) - you deserved it (2652)

On 01/05/2015 at 1:27am - misc - by shittysituation - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I were talking about our celebrity lookalikes. We decided that my friends all had attractive celebrity lookalikes, including Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere. When it was my turn, they decided that my "celebrity" lookalike is the Pillsbury Doughboy. FML

#21330766
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26058) - you deserved it (3282)

On 01/04/2015 at 4:53pm - misc - by KD (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

#21330417
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30571) - you deserved it (2166)

On 01/04/2015 at 1:52am - work - by boss stabber (man) - United States (California)



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