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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

#21422346
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21325) - you deserved it (3349)

On 06/07/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by unhappy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

#21422282
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25333) - you deserved it (1589)

On 06/07/2015 at 11:46am - misc - by MagnusDeus - United States (California)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28667) - you deserved it (3181)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

#21420621
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30569) - you deserved it (3925)

On 06/04/2015 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

#21420563
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30542) - you deserved it (3326)

On 06/04/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

#21420064
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27792) - you deserved it (1845)

On 06/03/2015 at 2:03am - misc - by she has dumbcuntitis (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed and ended up in the emergency room. How? Apparently the sneeze dislodged a kidney stone that is now slowly, painfully working its way from my kidney to my bladder so that I can piss it out. FML

Today, my class was called to the auditorium. We were told that some asshat proctor took a picture of our testing room during out test and posted it on Facebook. Someone noticed that according to the rules, we were sitting too close to each other, so now we have to retake the whole test. FML

#21419617
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27586) - you deserved it (1946)

On 06/02/2015 at 9:13am - misc - by Donewithit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML

#21419164
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36609) - you deserved it (2979)

On 06/01/2015 at 2:14pm - misc - by kash (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML

#21418659
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24808) - you deserved it (5133)

On 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

#21418362
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25772) - you deserved it (11551)

On 05/31/2015 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was exhausted due to staying up all night practicing for the most important performance of my orchestral career. I decided to take a nap to energize myself in preparation of the evening and woke up just in time to realize I'd missed the entire concert. FML

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

#21418223
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39874) - you deserved it (2308)

On 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by TooLoud - United States (California)



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