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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I told my dad that scientists discovered a new sea creature. He said it was all b.s and that scientists just make things up to cover conspiracies. I'm a biological sciences major. FML

#21495384
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20915) - you deserved it (1565)

On 11/22/2015 at 1:40am - misc - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

#21495119
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27548) - you deserved it (3535)

On 11/21/2015 at 9:54am - intimacy - by angelisa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

#21495080
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (2158)

On 11/21/2015 at 5:03am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

#21495050
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21340) - you deserved it (6460)

On 11/21/2015 at 1:39am - love - by same (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML

#21494505
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22543) - you deserved it (2020)

On 11/19/2015 at 5:00pm - misc - by Me - United States (California)

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

#21494419
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23568) - you deserved it (1493)

On 11/19/2015 at 12:26pm - misc - by anonynomi - United States (California)

Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML

#21494372
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23909) - you deserved it (1863)

On 11/19/2015 at 9:52am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

#21494299
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21561) - you deserved it (2060)

On 11/19/2015 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boss asked me if I'd realized that "I support ISIS" was written on the bottom of my water bottle. The bottle was a gift from my dad. FML

#21494137
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23531) - you deserved it (1825)

On 11/18/2015 at 7:52pm - work - by Secret Isis supporter (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

#21493254
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23669) - you deserved it (1969)

On 11/16/2015 at 4:39pm - work - by ScreweD- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally splashed one of their girlfriends in the face. She started crying and everyone gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the trip. We are all 26 years old. FML

#21493084
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27688) - you deserved it (2286)

On 11/16/2015 at 2:13am - misc - by nightwalker2253 - United States (California)

Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML

#21492676
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24447) - you deserved it (2087)

On 11/15/2015 at 1:06am - work - by buses suck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

#21492545
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14125) - you deserved it (25900)

On 11/14/2015 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by BashyDaBest - United States (California)



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