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FMLs submitted from California

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

#21437372
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26109) - you deserved it (6648)

On 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by notacreep - United States (California)

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

#21435419
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35003) - you deserved it (1510)

On 07/02/2015 at 2:59pm - misc - by Deaf - United States (California)

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

#21433513
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24381) - you deserved it (1687)

On 06/28/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by CaptainFluffyPaw (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (3364)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

#21432440
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24607) - you deserved it (1506)

On 06/26/2015 at 5:46pm - misc - by Nope (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

#21432294
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24399) - you deserved it (1736)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:29pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

#21431510
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29760) - you deserved it (4369)

On 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

#21430956
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21806) - you deserved it (5405)

On 06/24/2015 at 12:16am - love - by It's CSI Miami - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

#21430948
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23893) - you deserved it (2521)

On 06/24/2015 at 12:02am - love - by bummed out step monster - United States (California)

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24448) - you deserved it (4492)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

#21430208
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29618) - you deserved it (1262)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:46pm - health - by ICanExplain - United States (California)

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

#21428240
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26962) - you deserved it (12565)

On 06/18/2015 at 7:29pm - money - by fuckstudentloans - United States (California)



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