Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

#21506292
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17785) - you deserved it (1660)

On 12/21/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by letstradefamilies - United States (California)

Today, I mistook a tree in my back yard as an intruder and called the police. FML

Today, I complained about period cramps. My boyfriend said periods can't be that bad since "girls must orgasm every time they put a tampon in." FML

#21505128
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (2026)

On 12/18/2015 at 11:37am - love - by periods (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

#21505083
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17823) - you deserved it (5049)

On 12/18/2015 at 6:40am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finished polishing a song I was working on for my girlfriend. The next words out of her mouth when we next spoke: "I want to break up." FML

Today, my grandma was sent to the hospital so I called out of work. My bosses told me that if I didn't come in I would be fired. I did so, only to find out they needed me there so I could close the restaurant while they left early to go to a party. FML

Today, I found out that rats have made my car their new home. I haven't even finished paying it off yet. FML

#21503794
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19392) - you deserved it (2132)

On 12/14/2015 at 9:16pm - misc - by InfestedCarOwner - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

#21503523
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29020) - you deserved it (2402)

On 12/14/2015 at 2:29am - love - by Haitwun (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents decided that the best way to save money was to dilute everything we drank with water. Only one more year of watered down soda and juice to go. FML

#21503382
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20698) - you deserved it (2227)

On 12/13/2015 at 7:15pm - misc - by BasicallySodaFlavoredWater (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

#21502978
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22971) - you deserved it (1966)

On 12/12/2015 at 3:58pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

#21502817
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20301) - you deserved it (2273)

On 12/12/2015 at 2:14am - misc - by shat (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was given the following pearls of wisdom: "My grandmother always told me, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Anyway, she was a cunt and so are you." Thanks, dad. Thanks. FML

#21502783
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20188) - you deserved it (1954)

On 12/11/2015 at 11:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

#21502763
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21169) - you deserved it (1559)

On 12/11/2015 at 11:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: