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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

#21312200
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27450) - you deserved it (13861)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:32pm - animals - by sting - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

#21311905
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30931) - you deserved it (6384)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

#21311410
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33806) - you deserved it (2716)

On 12/04/2014 at 1:30pm - animals - by yolonono (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a letter in the mail from corporate saying that I'm being demoted because I don't work enough hours. I also got a text from my boss congratulating me on making the best sales numbers for November. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

#21310722
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18924) - you deserved it (38639)

On 12/03/2014 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a performance. I have to go bra-less to wear my gown and I didn't want any peek-a-boos. I asked my boyfriend to bring "large band-aids" without telling him why I needed them. He brought waterproof, top-notch tough ones. They're still stuck to me, and are not coming off anytime soon. FML

#21310328
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29063) - you deserved it (6147)

On 12/02/2014 at 8:14pm - misc - by smiles (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

#21309848
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34431) - you deserved it (4407)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:40am - intimacy - by justagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's either be alone and miserable, or go on shitty dates and be miserable. I have no other options. FML

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33442) - you deserved it (5785)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

#21308108
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28801) - you deserved it (5865)

On 11/29/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by come on man (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

#21306254
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36050) - you deserved it (5972)

On 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44167) - you deserved it (2753)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured, "Eh, a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

#21303699
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29493) - you deserved it (8311)

On 11/22/2014 at 2:22am - animals - by liishax3 (woman) - United States (California)



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