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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I found out why my girlfriend was so excited to get to see me. She finally got to end the relationship she didn't want anymore. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

#21447183
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22867) - you deserved it (2414)

On 07/25/2015 at 8:22pm - love - by Lucachoo - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

#21446911
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12302) - you deserved it (20842)

On 07/25/2015 at 6:10am - misc - by Mmm - United States (California)

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28996) - you deserved it (4801)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

#21446242
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25029) - you deserved it (3961)

On 07/23/2015 at 10:13pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

#21446059
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25652) - you deserved it (2643)

On 07/23/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Ma_Nikka (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

#21445936
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24543) - you deserved it (2473)

On 07/23/2015 at 11:07am - health - by rhcpgurl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent $70 on party supplies for my sister's bachelorette party, another hour decorating, three hours baking and designing a cake, before waiting five hours to hear that she and another bridesmaid had 'moved' the party elsewhere. Cake anyone? FML

#21445882
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29113) - you deserved it (1760)

On 07/23/2015 at 7:53am - misc - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

#21445738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22142) - you deserved it (2481)

On 07/22/2015 at 11:18pm - health - by skyllabeauty1234 - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

#21445547
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24618) - you deserved it (5083)

On 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

Today, my brother told me to, "Stop bitching and get over it" after I complained of pain from my stomach after invasive surgery. This from the guy who spends multiple hours a day playing Halo and whining about the stupid ways he got killed. FML

#21445196
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23399) - you deserved it (1840)

On 07/21/2015 at 9:35pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

#21444969
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26944) - you deserved it (2510)

On 07/21/2015 at 11:17am - misc - by father-in-nope (woman) - United States (California)



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