FMLs submitted from California

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought I'd save some money by doing my own electrical work. When I turned the power back on, it caught fire. FML

by chewsef / 08/08/2016 at 11:22pm / United States (California) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

by an unlucky man / 08/05/2016 at 5:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

by that violates the Geneva conventions / 08/05/2016 at 5:33am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I woke up to an angry and threatening email from a porn company. Apparently, I took a sleeping pill last night and wrote a nasty email to the company about how they mistreat women. The best part: I used a web contact form instead of an email, so I have absolutely no idea what I wrote. FML

by damn you Ambien / 08/03/2016 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

by nullpointer / 08/03/2016 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

by crazyattracts / 07/31/2016 at 1:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I have an ear infection. I was resting outside when my young neighbor flew his RC plane right into my ear. FML

by BoboCracker / 07/29/2016 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my first day on the job, I locked up the office after everyone left and set the alarm. An hour later, my new boss angrily emailed me that I locked him inside the building, setting off the alarm and prompting the entire police department to show up. FML

by mrsimintrouble / 07/29/2016 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

by Broke / 07/27/2016 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

by for my brother in law / 07/27/2016 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML

by jaym42013 / 07/22/2016 at 3:29pm / United States (California) / Work