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FMLs submitted from California

Today, the guy I made cookies for, spent hours getting ready for, and drove 3 hours in traffic to see never actually wanted me to come. When I knocked on his door, he opened it, but immediately closed it in my face. He then texted me saying, "I met someone else." FML

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

#21422896
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25736) - you deserved it (2620)

On 06/08/2015 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They reacted by simply lecturing me for an hour about how much he'll ruin my life and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

#21422783
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25592) - you deserved it (2217)

On 06/08/2015 at 11:08am - love - by howard1954 - United States (California)

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

#21422346
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21309) - you deserved it (3348)

On 06/07/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by unhappy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

#21422282
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24609) - you deserved it (1398)

On 06/07/2015 at 11:46am - misc - by MagnusDeus - United States (California)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28515) - you deserved it (3160)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

#21420621
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29530) - you deserved it (3769)

On 06/04/2015 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

#21420563
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30423) - you deserved it (3320)

On 06/04/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

#21420064
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27124) - you deserved it (1678)

On 06/03/2015 at 2:03am - misc - by she has dumbcuntitis (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed and ended up in the emergency room. How? Apparently the sneeze dislodged a kidney stone that is now slowly, painfully working its way from my kidney to my bladder so that I can piss it out. FML

Today, my class was called to the auditorium. We were told that some asshat proctor took a picture of our testing room during out test and posted it on Facebook. Someone noticed that according to the rules, we were sitting too close to each other, so now we have to retake the whole test. FML

#21419617
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27564) - you deserved it (1942)

On 06/02/2015 at 9:13am - misc - by Donewithit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML

#21419164
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35928) - you deserved it (2660)

On 06/01/2015 at 2:14pm - misc - by kash (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML

#21418659
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24781) - you deserved it (5123)

On 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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