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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

#21322698
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37398) - you deserved it (3903)

On 12/23/2014 at 1:32pm - love - by both are dimwitted - United States (California)

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said "see ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I called her ugly. FML

#21321170
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30269) - you deserved it (3666)

On 12/20/2014 at 10:37pm - love - by sexualpopcorn - United States (California)

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

#21320716
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31856) - you deserved it (4158)

On 12/20/2014 at 2:33am - love - by qyx3lmnop24 - United States (California)

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29874) - you deserved it (6973)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

#21316533
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32972) - you deserved it (2353)

On 12/13/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35459) - you deserved it (4284)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML

#21315476
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39261) - you deserved it (2692)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:01am - love - by Brasilian29 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

#21314927
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32044) - you deserved it (2635)

On 12/10/2014 at 9:05am - misc - by NotAnInLawFamilyMan (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

#21314853
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28808) - you deserved it (6820)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

#21313490
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34178) - you deserved it (2765)

On 12/07/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

#21313391
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31918) - you deserved it (2391)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:18pm - misc - by Haitwun (man) - United States (California)



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