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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

#21453243
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23124) - you deserved it (2079)

On 08/07/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by DietWater - United States (California)

Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML

#21453104
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24890) - you deserved it (3116)

On 08/07/2015 at 10:27am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

#21452688
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22241) - you deserved it (2545)

On 08/06/2015 at 11:18am - misc - by Lilo4life - United States (California)

Today, at work, the girl I've been into for the past 6 months confessed that she liked me, but also confessed she had sex with our boss. Our boss happens to be my dad. FML

#21452615
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26905) - you deserved it (1660)

On 08/06/2015 at 4:33am - work - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

#21452513
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20568) - you deserved it (2840)

On 08/06/2015 at 12:10am - work - by ilovebigmacs - United States (California)

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

#21452257
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23493) - you deserved it (1870)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

#21452123
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22836) - you deserved it (2006)

On 08/05/2015 at 4:39am - work - by kaybear13 - United States (California)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23667) - you deserved it (2891)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17392) - you deserved it (28271)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

#21450074
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25251) - you deserved it (2529)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

#21449623
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21758) - you deserved it (1622)

On 07/30/2015 at 5:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

#21449535
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22994) - you deserved it (2165)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:22pm - kids - by GidleyWife (woman) - United States (California)



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