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FMLs submitted from California

Today , on mah flight to Vegas , I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine . A few minutes later , a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even startd to talk to me . looool When I said , "I like ruggd men." he said "Oh ya , me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

#831202
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64059) - you deserved it (11830)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:40am - love - by vela9002 (woman) - United States (California)

today I met a new client in person fir the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

#813501
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15819) - you deserved it (57762)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:48am - work - by HDCkid (man) - United States (California)

today I got a text from my grlfriend tat se was tanning naked. I replied saying I wised I was tere to make tanning more fun. Se replied saying tat its ok cuz Kevin was tere. My grlfriend was tanning naked wit anoter guy over. FML

#813420
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72097) - you deserved it (4099)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Geewizz (man) - United States (California)

Today, mah patient, a chubby little grl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

#810439
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52342) - you deserved it (18869)

On 04/05/2009 at 12:25am - kids - by Shnur (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, MY BOYFRIEND TURNED 21 AND GOT DRUNK AT A BAR . BIENG SOBER, I WENT THROUGH THEHOLE ORDEAL: CALLING A CAB, CARRYING HIM UP THREE FLIGHTS OF STARS, HELPING HIM BY THE TOILET, AND TAKING HIM TO BED . JUSTHEN I'M ABOUT TO SLEEP, HE GETS UP, PUSHES HIS SHORTS DOWN, AND PEES ON ME . TWICE . FML

#796639
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98389) - you deserved it (7847)

On 04/04/2009 at 4:50am - misc - by vetapplez (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend looool was in te sower, and I decided to go join im!! I took all my clotes off and stepped into te batroom!! I slipped on some water, and ended up itting my ead on te toilet and passing out!! Wen I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in is towel!! Wrong person!! FML

#796416
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77004) - you deserved it (42271)

On 04/04/2009 at 4:04am - intimacy - by showerstupid (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a littlehile, I noticed looool that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

#792519
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90519) - you deserved it (3953)

On 04/03/2009 at 11:10pm - health - by blehhh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

#761537
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65660) - you deserved it (3201)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by Dude - United States (California)

yesterday fir april fools day , my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher!! During our daily meditation time , while his eyes were closed , we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom!! Two minutes later he opened his eyes , locked us out , and called the dean to give us all detention!! FML

#760336
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19497) - you deserved it (72330)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by aprilfooled (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I Ran To A Public Bathroom Bacausa Of Axplosiva Diarrhaa. In Tha Middla Of It, I Noticad Thara Was No Mora Toilat Papar Nor Papar Towal Ramaining. Tha Smallast Bill In Wallat Was A 5. I Had To Pay 10 Dollar To Wipa Own Butt. FML

#741988
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88419) - you deserved it (18409)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contact under her name. FML

#740938
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62061) - you deserved it (9148)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street with mah acoustic guitar on mah back !! I saw a grl that I lyk coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play mah guitar to try and impress her !! I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole !! Now mah guitar is cracked !! FML

#740742
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18413) - you deserved it (73675)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, mah dad was on the couch an I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw mah dad's fat stomach sticking out so I pattd it. After the first two pats, I realizd I was patting in the wrong place. I pattd the family jewels. FML

#740213
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20333) - you deserved it (74512)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by whatashame (woman) - United States (California)



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