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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

#5779716
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42970) - you deserved it (12455)

On 10/11/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by pinoyson (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

#5761778
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31103) - you deserved it (5733)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

#5761626
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11192) - you deserved it (43847)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the mall to pick up the 1 carat diamond my husband recently purchased for me after 6 years of being together. My mom called, I answered my cell. Later, I realized that the baggie with the diamond was no longer in my pocket. It fell out when I answered my phone. FML

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

#5735299
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8525) - you deserved it (47992)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:09am - work - by whitedevil (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

#5735053
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25204) - you deserved it (3835)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

#5716495
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14661) - you deserved it (39940)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:14am - kids - by stupidsantaclaus (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

#5714367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35079) - you deserved it (8703)

On 10/07/2009 at 11:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

#5710708
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34317) - you deserved it (3676)

On 10/07/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by dangerousknitter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23209) - you deserved it (3137)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

#5698793
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31931) - you deserved it (9671)

On 10/07/2009 at 5:25am - misc - by 1000dollarspoor - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

#5692433
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40965) - you deserved it (3913)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:07pm - animals - by gera3gera - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

#5689238
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58417) - you deserved it (2885)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by zitroskies (man) - United States (California)



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