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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML

#720830
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (106382) - you deserved it (7202)

On 03/31/2009 at 6:44am - love - by lizzardbreath (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

#719955
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69117) - you deserved it (4377)

On 03/31/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by Krissy. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

#718937
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (134357) - you deserved it (15191)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

#703892
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60500) - you deserved it (6460)

On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - love - by Seanzy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

#695786
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20860) - you deserved it (59890)

On 03/30/2009 at 12:41am - work - by musicman2005 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

#681492
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26625) - you deserved it (80565)

On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

#674037
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79594) - you deserved it (165033)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

#664125
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69581) - you deserved it (6144)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:19pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I loved him, how perfect he is for me and what I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, "I thought you had class." FML

#656324
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53838) - you deserved it (7929)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:38am - love - by Marine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

#637198
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65612) - you deserved it (4551)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

#637114
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17328) - you deserved it (190174)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

#632473
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (170984) - you deserved it (34233)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)



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