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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24233) - you deserved it (43094)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

#1952694
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9072) - you deserved it (68180)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by OuttaNowhere81 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

#1933691
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22218) - you deserved it (56807)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:57pm - love - by branded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

#1922791
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46163) - you deserved it (6019)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
385 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75316) - you deserved it (10851)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50425) - you deserved it (9230)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

#1791192
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24925) - you deserved it (82117)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

#1780717
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11155) - you deserved it (53234)

On 05/09/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by ugheffmylife - United States (California)

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22380) - you deserved it (47191)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

#1770130
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50438) - you deserved it (22613)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Mandy - United States (California)

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

#1752202
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45933) - you deserved it (18254)

On 05/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by ydahs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

#1743823
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62029) - you deserved it (4836)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:28am - health - by gimp. (woman) - United States (California)



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