Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

#3949240
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47914) - you deserved it (4746)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:11am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML

#3947588
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47000) - you deserved it (26963)

On 07/22/2009 at 1:47am - misc - by emogurl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

#3877886
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69033) - you deserved it (4645)

On 07/19/2009 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

#3872340
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45732) - you deserved it (4925)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Pusillanimous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40087) - you deserved it (3477)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

#3853046
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13442) - you deserved it (54383)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:26am - misc - by insertfoothere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15621) - you deserved it (48977)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML

#3848671
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38455) - you deserved it (9331)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:45am - work - by Rawf (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, doesn't mean your mom won't walk in your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

#3838782
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36451) - you deserved it (9423)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:09pm - intimacy - by Alwayshappens2me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

#3824870
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59352) - you deserved it (6257)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Stranded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while talking on the phone with my long distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected he told me, "well you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

#3804007
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45494) - you deserved it (5238)

On 07/16/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

#3787096
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17252) - you deserved it (39607)

On 07/15/2009 at 10:08pm - work - by beingthebossisoverrated (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at 3:00 am, I sat with my 3 year-old adopted daughter while she tried to go back to sleep. She had had a nightmare, and I read that "not leaving" was the most important thing a father could do. My wife woke and called me a pervert for sitting there. FML

#3768718
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65783) - you deserved it (3120)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:02am - kids - by me (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: