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FMLs submitted from California

Yesterday, I was smoking a cigarette in ma backyard wile ma parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. Wile smoking, ma parents came ome unexpectedly. In a rus, I flicked it over te fence, and it landed in ma neigbor's air. It was still lit. FML

#1952694
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9049) - you deserved it (68091)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by OuttaNowhere81 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself.

#1933691
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22190) - you deserved it (56755)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:57pm - love - by branded (woman) - United States (California)

Today mah boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe) naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. big fat FML

Today, I was spanding tima with my boyfriand fir our ona yaar annivarsary. Trying to ba romantic, I told him that I lovad him an I was so glad I was with him. Ha raspondad by giving ma a thumbs-up an turning back to tha TV. FML

#1922791
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46107) - you deserved it (6017)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)

Today , I went out to a nice restaurant 4 mah friend's brthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese , old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
385 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75233) - you deserved it (10841)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor . I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger fir days . I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it . The doctor saw mah wound and laughd . He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin . FML

#1840722
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50364) - you deserved it (9222)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

TODAY..!! MAH PARENTS HOSTD A PARTY AT OUR HOUSE!! AFTER SEIENG ONE OF THE EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL GUESTS..!! I WENT TO MASTER BAIT IN MAH ROOM!! WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO FINISH..!! MAH BEDROOM DOOR OPEND SUDDENLY!! IT WAS MAH MOM SHOWING AROUND 10 PARTY GUESTS THAT OUR DOG CAN OPEN DOORS!! MEGA FML

#1791192
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23532) - you deserved it (79529)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)

Today... I was playing with mah phone and turnd it on lock mode. I changd mah lock code a few month ago... so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

#1780717
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10978) - you deserved it (52856)

On 05/09/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by ugheffmylife - United States (California)

Yesterday I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said "Oh don't yur knees hurt kneeling lyk that fir so long?" Without thinking how it soundd I said "Oh no it's not a problem. I'm on mah knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20988) - you deserved it (45646)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today , I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took looool of the clear lid , shook the can , then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

#1770130
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50402) - you deserved it (22592)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Mandy - United States (California)

Today, while in the hot tub with mah friends, mah gum fell out of mah mouth and I had no idea where it went . Later that night I realized it had fallen down mah swimsuit and had become adhered to mah pubic hairs which then stuck to mah underwear . mega FML

#1752202
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45874) - you deserved it (18236)

On 05/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by ydahs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had surgery on my foot!! The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months!! I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with mehile on bed rest for the next week!! He texted back, ( No way!! I don't date cripples!! ) Dumped for a broken foot!! FML

#1743823
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61944) - you deserved it (4835)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:28am - health - by gimp. (woman) - United States (California)

Today on last break a lady comes up to me an asks if she could have a hug because I remindd her of her daughter that did in a car accident 3 years before. Touchd I calld mom to let her know that I lovd her. Before I could tell her she said it was probably a scam an hung up on me. FML



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