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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

#1964368
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38092) - you deserved it (4427)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by dammitall (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

#1962325
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50032) - you deserved it (3868)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:35pm - health - by ccc (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24205) - you deserved it (43046)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

#1952694
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9049) - you deserved it (68084)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by OuttaNowhere81 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

#1933691
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22188) - you deserved it (56744)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:57pm - love - by branded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

#1922791
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46105) - you deserved it (6016)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75225) - you deserved it (10841)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50362) - you deserved it (9221)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

#1791192
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23528) - you deserved it (79517)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

#1780717
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10975) - you deserved it (52848)

On 05/09/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by ugheffmylife - United States (California)

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20986) - you deserved it (45642)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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