FMLs submitted from California

Today, while preparing the house for company, I got a call that my sister had a heart attack and died. My wife's response? "Great! Now you're going to be no help to me at all!" FML

by dargas / 03/09/2010 at 4:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

by justpeachy / 03/08/2010 at 3:27pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

by raidered / 03/08/2010 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

by Numbnuts / 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

by ART / 03/06/2010 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines and inadvertantly eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

by Petergibbons / 03/05/2010 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

by whyymee / 03/05/2010 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2010 at 12:08am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2010 at 1:37am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend decided that lunch with his guys was more important than spending time with me. This is the second year in a row that he has cancelled on me. How do I remember the date so well? It's my birthday. FML

by BirthdayGirl / 03/02/2010 at 3:14am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

by Lin / 03/02/2010 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

by mav3rick91 / 03/01/2010 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

by Jeri / 02/26/2010 at 7:55am / United States (California) / Health