Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I said that at least I was always there for him when he needed me. He said "When did I need you?" FML

#29762
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29737) - you deserved it (5303)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by rainyday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

#29334
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12365) - you deserved it (25111)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by ardenm - United States (California)

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

#26936
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36490) - you deserved it (2104)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by chee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

#18155
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36006) - you deserved it (2773)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by TGIkaty - United States (California)

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

#17496
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73837) - you deserved it (4411)

On 02/09/2009 at 1:32pm - misc - by Sal (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

#15968
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44213) - you deserved it (2780)

On 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm - intimacy - by ADT (man) - United States (California)

Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML

#14737
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60621) - you deserved it (7577)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:37am - misc - by DC (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

#13743
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24542) - you deserved it (3501)

On 02/07/2009 at 6:02pm - misc - by ChoirGuy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

#13325
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10338) - you deserved it (51543)

On 02/07/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by name50 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

#12567
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (266417) - you deserved it (49531)

On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18761) - you deserved it (24051)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

#12081
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31740) - you deserved it (1720)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met at a speed dating event. He recommended the lamb shank, which I ordered without looking at the menu. When the waiter took my order, my date said, "wait, the lamb is $27, why don't you get the chicken". He then ordered the lamb for himself. FML



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: