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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

#5163461
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20632) - you deserved it (5180)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Loveless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

#5141424
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41239) - you deserved it (6429)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by theboywithlonghair (man) - United States (California)

Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML

#5141393
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37230) - you deserved it (5409)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out my ex bought a digital camera, an iPod, and a large flat-screen TV, all purchased with the alimony I'm paying him. FML

#5141204
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30861) - you deserved it (7251)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Goodie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met a nice girl and decided to ask her out. Later on she showed me a picture of her with her family, she was wearing red and everyone else black. I said jokingly "you look like the adopted child" only to find out that her had parents died and she was indeed adopted. FML

#5122351
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15039) - you deserved it (36386)

On 09/08/2009 at 3:11am - love - by WanstinChurchHill (man) - United States (California)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

#5119297
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22688) - you deserved it (2239)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54976) - you deserved it (2946)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

#5098537
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67654) - you deserved it (6171)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by BoredRunner42 - United States (California)

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

#5031923
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6113) - you deserved it (38926)

On 09/03/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by nottililgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15888) - you deserved it (66949)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

#5011183
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49406) - you deserved it (12408)

On 09/02/2009 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16227) - you deserved it (39949)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)



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