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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad . My mom turnd around and askd, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true . My dad crackd up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frownd, took out her wallet, and handd him $20 . My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life . FML

#3602722
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59676) - you deserved it (4432)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by Told_You_So (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, I RAALIZAD HOW FAT I RAALLY AM. WHILA GOING TO THA BATHROOM I LAANAD TO THA SIDA TO WIPA MY BUTT AN HAARD A CRACK. NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, I CONTINUAD TO WIPA. AFTAR I FINISHAD, I GOT UP TO SAA THAT I'D CRACKAD THA TOILAT SAAT IN HALF. FML

#3602440
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22040) - you deserved it (53214)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:21am - health - by Fattypatty (man) - United States (California)

Today... I was looking at mah friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently postd a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman... I realize it's mah mom in a wig. big fat FML

#3591095
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51317) - you deserved it (8183)

On 07/08/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by disturbed2103 (man) - United States (California)

today my boyfriend of 4 yeres told me he was leaving me cuz we haven't slept together in a few weeks. I just gave brth to our frst child and am still recovering from my c-section. FML

#3570179
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84192) - you deserved it (7654)

On 07/08/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Applelover012 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to propose to mah girlfriend of 3 yeres!! I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out mah proposal!! The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money!! She proposed to me at a subway station first!! FML

#3561385
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52184) - you deserved it (8235)

On 07/07/2009 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today I met with mah realtor to close on a house for mah boyfriend and me. While waiting for mah boyfriend I got a text message from him saying he was breaking up with me. I had already signd the paper on our house. Now I'm responsible for a mortgage that I can only afford with his help. FML

#3542974
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53816) - you deserved it (12816)

On 07/07/2009 at 12:48am - money - by housepoor (woman) - United States (California)

today I was in mah car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and mah window was down. FML

#3531560
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6544) - you deserved it (76390)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today , I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 yeres to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. fat FML

#3524400
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51193) - you deserved it (30979)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:51am - love - by dumpedovergame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found one of those online color blindness tests where you have to distinguish a colord number from the pattern. Not being able to, I spent hundreds of dollars on medical tests to discover that the pattern online was a joke.

#3509124
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12021) - you deserved it (64829)

On 07/05/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by colorblind (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my aya startd hurting with unbaliavabla pain. I couldn't saa out of it and I askd my fathar if ha would taka ma to tha hospital, sinca it was hurting so bad. Ha said ha had to wait for tha pizza ha ordard for dalivary. I had to call a cab to go to tha amargancy room bacausa of pizza. FML

#3498415
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43077) - you deserved it (2606)

On 07/05/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today mah boyfriend returnd from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane I imagind him running to me an kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer an closer an as I opend mah arms to embrace him he runs past me saying "BRB I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

#3472091
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53852) - you deserved it (9730)

On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off . When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone . I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work . FML

#3448245
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (8750)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:01am - work - by wherefelix (woman) - United States (California)



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