FMLs submitted from California

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

by GrandmaShakers / 06/02/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

by staciedee / 06/01/2010 at 5:49am / United States (California) / Love

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

by hulagirl1217 / 05/29/2010 at 8:11am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2010 at 7:51pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML

by comfylap / 05/28/2010 at 7:30pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

by pandasbear / 05/26/2010 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

by Ouchhh / 05/25/2010 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

by kjdhfakjs / 05/20/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I finally found the girl of my dreams, she's smart, loyal, energetic and adorable. There's one problem. She's a Golden Retreiver. FML

by green2black / 05/19/2010 at 3:09am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2010 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

by Alicia / 05/13/2010 at 6:49pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

by Dfacta / 05/13/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (California) / Work