FMLs submitted from California

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2010 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

by lonely / 07/15/2010 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

by readytomingle / 07/14/2010 at 10:37pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

by Eyefreshener / 07/14/2010 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2010 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

by Sally / 07/13/2010 at 5:22am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2010 at 2:18pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

by SOMAgirl / 07/06/2010 at 5:16am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I realized that the best and most entertaining part of my 3 day mini vacation was realizing my nipples work on the touch screen of my iPhone. FML

by thesadone / 07/03/2010 at 2:49am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML

by peanuts / 07/03/2010 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

by rockefoe / 06/30/2010 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

by itssdianaa / 06/28/2010 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

by Pain / 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Health