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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

#4943867
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25010) - you deserved it (7754)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Mack (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

#4932229
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26669) - you deserved it (49440)

On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

#4925971
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32951) - you deserved it (41366)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

#4921754
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42324) - you deserved it (8421)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

#4911322
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25216) - you deserved it (48281)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:20pm - love - by zuper_duper (man) - United States (California)

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

#4886431
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39111) - you deserved it (2353)

On 08/28/2009 at 4:59pm - health - by dannyfanny (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

#4880765
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49164) - you deserved it (2265)

On 08/28/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by wtfman101 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML

#4877720
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35199) - you deserved it (9484)

On 08/28/2009 at 3:51am - misc - by pistonchamp159 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

#4876852
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47980) - you deserved it (4619)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by helenablitz (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

#4867119
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78221) - you deserved it (3410)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by abercrombieef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while driving, I realized I had left my phone on top of my car when I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look for it. I found it in the middle of the street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to my car, I noticed I had locked my door. And the keys were in the ignition. FML

#4866921
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15941) - you deserved it (35135)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

#4850742
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37014) - you deserved it (2571)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML

#4844745
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57507) - you deserved it (7825)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:37pm - love - by lonelyboy101 (man) - United States (California)



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