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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

#21244497
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36727) - you deserved it (5349)

On 08/24/2014 at 4:03pm - work - by fucked - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML

#21243818
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35902) - you deserved it (7255)

On 08/23/2014 at 1:51pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeless guy on the sidewalk walked up to my car with a, "Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" sign. The lady on my right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed and hit my windshield. She yelled, "Oh fuck!" and drove away. FML

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

#21238688
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45610) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/16/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by bad birthdays - United States (California)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53819) - you deserved it (5450)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

#21237592
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15057) - you deserved it (72555)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by oops - United States (California)

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

#21236314
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38981) - you deserved it (3631)

On 08/13/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ragingwaffles - United States (California)

Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

#21234971
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46629) - you deserved it (3678)

On 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm - work - by poorman (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

#21234756
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35784) - you deserved it (3256)

On 08/11/2014 at 10:18am - work - by mcmanager - United States (California)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35123) - you deserved it (3330)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

#21234002
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39604) - you deserved it (6123)

On 08/10/2014 at 12:42pm - love - by painedandpissed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38982) - you deserved it (2881)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)



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