FMLs submitted from California

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

by Kelli / 08/28/2010 at 12:56am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

by Joel / 08/25/2010 at 3:13pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

by Eyebrowsgone / 08/25/2010 at 9:10am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

by bestbirthdayever / 08/24/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

by chewybarseventy / 08/24/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML

by lizardface / 08/23/2010 at 6:44pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband just told me that he no longer loves me but keeps me around to handle his finances. FML

by Lace / 08/23/2010 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

by arace15336 / 08/22/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Love

 Today, I came home from a long day at work, and heard voices coming from my living room. I thought my house was being robbed so I called 911. Turns out I left the T.V. on. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2010 at 4:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous