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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

#6185780
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6979) - you deserved it (40473)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was called into work to fix up their projection system. I drove 40 kilometers in peak hour to get there. As soon as I parked my car and was about to walk in, I got a phone call saying "Don't worry, we fixed it, you don't have to come in." FML

#6182229
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25388) - you deserved it (1995)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:37pm - work - by chiraag87 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

#6179054
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27153) - you deserved it (5056)

On 11/06/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ShittyKeys (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say "hi" to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML

#6177854
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32824) - you deserved it (2360)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by ForgottenKid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had an appointment with a psychotherapist. I was feeling very depressed and was telling her how I felt no one cared about me. Her phone rang and she left me mid-sentence to take a call about her new BMW. FML

#6145491
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32610) - you deserved it (3489)

On 11/04/2009 at 12:10am - health - by troubled (man) - United States (California)

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

#6144396
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23430) - you deserved it (2022)

On 11/03/2009 at 11:06pm - misc - by ljd09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

#6132995
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22933) - you deserved it (33793)

On 11/03/2009 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

#6129909
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6645) - you deserved it (19307)

On 11/03/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by HadToApologize (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

#6122066
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8530) - you deserved it (28693)

On 11/02/2009 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by konichiwa (man) - United States (California)

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

#6114528
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31625) - you deserved it (2569)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:47am - health - by theRoomie (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

#6108468
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8240) - you deserved it (49102)

On 11/01/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by terry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

#6095945
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46974) - you deserved it (4198)

On 11/01/2009 at 1:30am - love - by Loser (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

#6089895
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21430) - you deserved it (2559)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)



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