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FMLs submitted from California

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

#12175151
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28149) - you deserved it (8712)

On 07/28/2010 at 11:00pm - misc - by runandmope (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML

#12141202
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27751) - you deserved it (7748)

On 07/27/2010 at 6:07am - misc - by mauimango7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

#12130176
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34773) - you deserved it (5422)

On 07/26/2010 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by dumped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

#12123688
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (8354)

On 07/26/2010 at 1:09pm - health - by Andiii (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15047) - you deserved it (123574)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

#12077771
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34960) - you deserved it (6664)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by luvlessbootycall (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

#11966338
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31825) - you deserved it (18846)

On 07/18/2010 at 5:47pm - misc - by anonmys - United States (California)

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

#11954418
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36990) - you deserved it (4233)

On 07/18/2010 at 1:02am - work - by Flyboy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

#11923673
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36590) - you deserved it (17883)

On 07/16/2010 at 3:45pm - misc - by liz - United States (California)

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

#11911406
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22398) - you deserved it (46587)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

#11890639
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39057) - you deserved it (19818)

On 07/15/2010 at 1:19am - love - by lonely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

#11886380
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17319) - you deserved it (40567)

On 07/14/2010 at 10:37pm - love - by readytomingle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

#11867771
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8522) - you deserved it (64680)

On 07/14/2010 at 2:14am - misc - by Eyefreshener (woman) - United States (California)



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