FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend finally found a roommate after hopelessly looking for months. I was really anxious to meet the guy because I would most likely be spending a good amount of time with him. Who did my boyfriend end up picking as his new roommate? My ex-boyfriend. FML

by doubletrouble / 04/22/2011 at 10:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML

by GshDrnt / 04/20/2011 at 10:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

by BerkeleyBiker / 04/19/2011 at 4:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

by Wendie / 04/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML

by uncool / 04/16/2011 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML

by Username / 04/16/2011 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML

by madi / 04/15/2011 at 3:13pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

by Sid / 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML

by confused / 04/09/2011 at 4:08am / United States (California) / Love

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

by FistFighter / 04/09/2011 at 12:01am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

by ouchiee / 04/07/2011 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

by oc_cheergirl / 04/05/2011 at 10:32pm / United States (California) / Intimacy