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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

#21221737
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35222) - you deserved it (4591)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:51am - kids - by ... (woman) - United States (California)

Today, despite all of the empty seats on the bus, a man sat next to me. So close to me that our legs touched. After a few moments of silence, he got closer and whispered in my ear, "You're so quiet." FML

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

#21220439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45866) - you deserved it (3731)

On 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm - misc - by asshalf15 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

#21217897
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42501) - you deserved it (6910)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:09am - love - by swiggityswooty - United States (California)

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

#21217564
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33346) - you deserved it (8906)

On 07/22/2014 at 5:55pm - work - by Infadel - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56744) - you deserved it (41787)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

#21216856
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41088) - you deserved it (5193)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm - misc - by Oldhouse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

#21215195
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54557) - you deserved it (8785)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:59pm - love - by I Feel Horrible - United States (California)

Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML

#21211315
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40539) - you deserved it (4398)

On 07/16/2014 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

#21210701
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33773) - you deserved it (4417)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:44am - animals - by ballbreath (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

#21209921
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40212) - you deserved it (6216)

On 07/15/2014 at 5:24pm - health - by stinky breath - United States (California)

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

#21209168
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41371) - you deserved it (3413)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm - work - by AFH2O - United States (California)

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

#21208909
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31814) - you deserved it (49098)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by Ob3nie - United States (California)



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