FMLs submitted from California

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2016 at 10:06am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my mailman refused to deliver my mail for an undetermined amount of time, because my 8 year-old, arthritic dog, who can barely walk, "made him feel threatened." FML

by cassie0216 / 02/01/2016 at 11:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2016 at 12:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2016 at 10:54am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out that I don't have to work tomorrow. Normally I would be thrilled to hear this, but not from the 6 o'clock news, doing a piece on my work's rat infestation and indefinite shut down. FML

by imahater07 / 01/28/2016 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Work

Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML

by CaptMacLeod / 01/26/2016 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2016 at 10:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML

by Tiffer27 / 01/25/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

by helloimkylieee / 01/24/2016 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I crashed my car into a bridge, while playing a song with the line, "I crashed my car into a bridge". FML

by ugh / 01/23/2016 at 3:48pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2016 at 5:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

by OhNo / 01/22/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (California) / Love