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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32509) - you deserved it (3558)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

#21302674
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31247) - you deserved it (2611)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

#21302094
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31624) - you deserved it (6387)

On 11/19/2014 at 1:44pm - misc - by limpdick9 - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

#21301400
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43420) - you deserved it (3802)

On 11/18/2014 at 1:57pm - misc - by steak through the heart - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

#21301367
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39735) - you deserved it (4037)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by drugsforthugs - United States (California)

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

#21301160
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33407) - you deserved it (2692)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

#21300403
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28811) - you deserved it (1998)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:46pm - misc - by areyouserious (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

#21300014
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22721) - you deserved it (3561)

On 11/16/2014 at 3:35am - health - by FlyLikeABird - United States (California)

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

#21298550
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32894) - you deserved it (2324)

On 11/13/2014 at 7:21pm - misc - by JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - United States (California)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32719) - you deserved it (3099)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44184) - you deserved it (3859)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

#21292980
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33961) - you deserved it (2920)

On 11/05/2014 at 9:03pm - work - by jobless (man) - United States (California)



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