Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

#21473001
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31984) - you deserved it (5728)

On 09/26/2015 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by erphy21 - United States (California)

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

#21472720
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22320) - you deserved it (2349)

On 09/25/2015 at 9:17pm - misc - by My Daughter Fails at Life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

#21472718
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31548) - you deserved it (2006)

On 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

#21472641
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24572) - you deserved it (1826)

On 09/25/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by WakeUpToADream (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

#21472609
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24246) - you deserved it (2733)

On 09/25/2015 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by Enanimus (man) - United States (California)

Today, with the most certainty and confidence that I have ever seen in her, my 16-year-old daughter told me an egg is a fruit because of its "hard shell and growing seed." FML

#21472478
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23000) - you deserved it (2554)

On 09/25/2015 at 1:42am - kids - by Failed_Dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

#21472021
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16440) - you deserved it (20633)

On 09/23/2015 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by dormlyfe - United States (California)

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

#21471997
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11398) - you deserved it (26081)

On 09/23/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by stardustveins (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

#21471971
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21235) - you deserved it (1627)

On 09/23/2015 at 7:56pm - misc - by KindaLooksLikeCocaine (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 5-year-old daughter sobbed inconsolably on my return home from a several-month long deployment to the Middle East. I was touched by her reaction until she blurted out that she wasn't crying because she missed me, but because my shaved head looked scary ugly. FML

#21471211
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23893) - you deserved it (1808)

On 09/21/2015 at 9:44pm - kids - by LCDRBrownHercules (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend cooked us a romantic dinner using the oven. The oven he recently hid $3,000 in for safekeeping. We essentially just spent thousands of dollars on a casserole. FML

Today, a cute guy I recognized from one of my classes messaged me on a dating site. He wanted help with homework. FML

#21470789
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22418) - you deserved it (2014)

On 09/20/2015 at 10:15pm - love - by ohforchristssake (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my wrist. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I am pretty sure mosquito bites are not supposed to start crawling up to your armpit while swelling. FML



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: