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FMLs submitted from California

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

#21290790
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36482) - you deserved it (5838)

On 11/02/2014 at 8:31pm - intimacy - by SelfServiced - United States (California)

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41167) - you deserved it (12367)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML

#21290277
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31915) - you deserved it (4903)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:09am - kids - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

#21290182
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29426) - you deserved it (6464)

On 11/02/2014 at 12:51am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

#21289931
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33909) - you deserved it (2828)

On 11/01/2014 at 6:22pm - kids - by ThaBoss12 - United States (California)

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

#21289481
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32319) - you deserved it (4470)

On 11/01/2014 at 1:59am - misc - by 4evalone (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

#21288837
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28079) - you deserved it (2808)

On 10/31/2014 at 1:10am - health - by NoScrubs - United States (California)

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

#21288806
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34601) - you deserved it (3641)

On 10/31/2014 at 12:24am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

#21288559
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32379) - you deserved it (3502)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister decided to color-in my favorite black-and-white comic book. It was worth over $200. When I told my mother, she said, "Oh that old thing? I thought it was a stupid coloring book you were too stupid to color." FML

#21287570
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39223) - you deserved it (3919)

On 10/29/2014 at 9:09am - kids - by NoColor (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

#21285139
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33063) - you deserved it (8910)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:58pm - misc - by tanisLX - United States (California)

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

#21284997
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32574) - you deserved it (2870)

On 10/25/2014 at 1:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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