Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

#21481899
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20925) - you deserved it (8026)

On 10/19/2015 at 5:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

#21481731
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22891) - you deserved it (2837)

On 10/19/2015 at 6:15am - kids - by NotThePotty - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

#21480741
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15430) - you deserved it (19880)

On 10/16/2015 at 12:03pm - misc - by not as easy as pie - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML

#21480429
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27557) - you deserved it (2378)

On 10/15/2015 at 3:30pm - love - by what did I do? (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

#21479950
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24986) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/14/2015 at 10:29am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

#21479432
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31620) - you deserved it (5615)

On 10/13/2015 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I nearly got written up at work for missing an important memo. The memo was sent to everyone via the company Facebook group and not by our e-mail system. My manager could hardly believe people exist who have no Facebook account and have no intention of making one. FML

#21479032
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25390) - you deserved it (2281)

On 10/12/2015 at 11:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother slapped me across the face with a piece of raw chicken for not liking his Instagram post. FML

 Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

#21478450
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22101) - you deserved it (5352)

On 10/10/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (California)

Today, I decided to take a well-deserved shower. When I let my hair down, twenty six cents fell onto the floor. I have no idea how they got there. FML

#21478111
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (3892)

On 10/10/2015 at 12:22am - misc - by kissandcontrol01 - United States (California)

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

#21477811
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29085) - you deserved it (4371)

On 10/09/2015 at 5:06am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother hugged me for the first time. Turns out he was patting me down to make sure I didn't have cigarettes. Love you too, bro. FML

#21477158
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21239) - you deserved it (2446)

On 10/07/2015 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

#21477092
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12271) - you deserved it (30491)

On 10/07/2015 at 7:29am - health - by -_- (man) - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: