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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

#21271391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35453) - you deserved it (4451)

On 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm - kids - by SmellyCloset (man) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

#21269981
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29805) - you deserved it (2210)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by youredisgusting - United States (California)

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19587) - you deserved it (40161)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32147) - you deserved it (4016)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

#21266215
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36501) - you deserved it (3056)

On 09/27/2014 at 4:16am - love - by nyx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard my boyfriend talking with my father in the backyard. I thought he was asking for my hand in marriage. He was actually telling him about his plans to break up with me. FML

#21265851
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36412) - you deserved it (3576)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:13pm - love - by ihateguys (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

#21264930
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29106) - you deserved it (14558)

On 09/25/2014 at 2:21am - health - by skollasch - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40684) - you deserved it (5682)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41089) - you deserved it (3969)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

#21257946
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44670) - you deserved it (3048)

On 09/14/2014 at 8:53am - love - by NoConfusion (man) - United States (California)

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35370) - you deserved it (2933)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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