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FMLs submitted from California

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

#21114561
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25902) - you deserved it (2201)

On 04/16/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by birthdaygirl - United States (California)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27732) - you deserved it (7932)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32839) - you deserved it (4068)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38567) - you deserved it (3349)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

#21112056
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34616) - you deserved it (4383)

On 04/13/2014 at 4:33pm - love - by lax22 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37915) - you deserved it (5605)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

#21110549
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35980) - you deserved it (2620)

On 04/11/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my teacher used an online program and accused me of plagiarism. According to the program, I plagiarized my own last name. FML

Today, a customer threw his hot coffee all over me, because it was taking "too long" for their credit card to be approved. FML

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

#21103637
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33374) - you deserved it (6330)

On 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm - animals - by Cali girl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36268) - you deserved it (27333)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom stopped playing badminton with me because she claimed I was too aggressive. Apparently winning, playing by the rules, and smashing is considered aggressive. FML

#21100568
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28480) - you deserved it (6702)

On 03/30/2014 at 10:44pm - misc - by moms a baby - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39530) - you deserved it (5590)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)



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