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FMLs submitted from California

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

#21448834
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3592) - you deserved it (218)

On 07/28/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by smellslikeahangover - United States (California)

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

#21448605
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4408) - you deserved it (1878)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my girlfriend was so excited to get to see me. She finally got to end the relationship she didn't want anymore. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

#21447183
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20084) - you deserved it (2067)

On 07/25/2015 at 8:22pm - love - by Lucachoo - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

#21446911
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10811) - you deserved it (18687)

On 07/25/2015 at 6:10am - misc - by Mmm - United States (California)

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25382) - you deserved it (4419)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

#21446242
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23400) - you deserved it (3665)

On 07/23/2015 at 10:13pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

#21446059
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23877) - you deserved it (2430)

On 07/23/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Ma_Nikka (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

#21445936
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23114) - you deserved it (2269)

On 07/23/2015 at 11:07am - health - by rhcpgurl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent $70 on party supplies for my sister's bachelorette party, another hour decorating, three hours baking and designing a cake, before waiting five hours to hear that she and another bridesmaid had 'moved' the party elsewhere. Cake anyone? FML

#21445882
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27525) - you deserved it (1624)

On 07/23/2015 at 7:53am - misc - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

#21445738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20972) - you deserved it (2285)

On 07/22/2015 at 11:18pm - health - by skyllabeauty1234 - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

#21445547
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23640) - you deserved it (4869)

On 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML



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