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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

#21433513
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18720) - you deserved it (1219)

On 06/28/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by CaptainFluffyPaw (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22255) - you deserved it (2927)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

#21432440
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22185) - you deserved it (1422)

On 06/26/2015 at 5:46pm - misc - by Nope (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

#21432294
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22294) - you deserved it (1637)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:29pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

#21431510
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25540) - you deserved it (3506)

On 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

#21430956
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20938) - you deserved it (5335)

On 06/24/2015 at 12:16am - love - by It's CSI Miami - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

#21430948
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22812) - you deserved it (2465)

On 06/24/2015 at 12:02am - love - by bummed out step monster - United States (California)

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23585) - you deserved it (4444)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

#21430208
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28472) - you deserved it (1257)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:46pm - health - by ICanExplain - United States (California)

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

#21428240
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25808) - you deserved it (11744)

On 06/18/2015 at 7:29pm - money - by fuckstudentloans - United States (California)

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

#21426197
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27370) - you deserved it (2007)

On 06/14/2015 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

#21425403
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36713) - you deserved it (4144)

On 06/13/2015 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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