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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

#21120851
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4700) - you deserved it (647)

On 04/23/2014 at 2:37pm - love - by ewhhhh - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

#21119972
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22796) - you deserved it (2527)

On 04/22/2014 at 2:59pm - kids - by wah wah "you raised him" (man) - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

#21116653
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28459) - you deserved it (2862)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:59pm - misc - by you'vegotmail(not) - United States (California)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

#21116561
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32206) - you deserved it (3194)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

#21115855
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41150) - you deserved it (5164)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

#21115731
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32825) - you deserved it (2980)

On 04/17/2014 at 7:24pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

#21114561
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37133) - you deserved it (3372)

On 04/16/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by birthdaygirl - United States (California)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37133) - you deserved it (11604)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41203) - you deserved it (5219)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46857) - you deserved it (4091)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

#21112056
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37833) - you deserved it (4781)

On 04/13/2014 at 4:33pm - love - by lax22 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40327) - you deserved it (5851)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)



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